A Life of Honor and Reckoning

 

All photos here are my personal photos

“You don’t give up on life when it throws challenges your way. Instead, you need to assess which areas you can improve. Life doesn’t give you bad things—it gives you what you need to grow. Life will test you. You will fall, fail, get hurt, and feel lost. Yet, you must rise every single time. Honor life as you honor yourself. Fall down seven times, stand up eight. This is our way, and from this moment on, this is your way of life too.”

(人生が困難を投げかけても、決して諦めてはいけない。むしろ、自分がどの部分を改善できるのかを見極めるべきだ。
人生は悪いことを与えるのではない。あなたが成長するために必要な試練を与えるのだ。

人生はあなたを試す。転び、失敗し、傷つき、迷うこともある。
しかし、その度に立ち上がらなければならない。
人生を敬うように、自分自身を敬え。

七転び八起き。これが私たちの生き方だ。
そして、今日からはあなたの生き方でもある。)

That was what one of the wisest men I’ve ever met in my life told me almost eighteen years ago. And I’ve been trying my best to do what he said, instilling it into my brain, my work ethic, my personal life—especially my growth as a human being. This morning, I woke up with too many questions buzzing in my head, the voices loud, pushing my buttons. I fed my cat—Bella—brushed my teeth, stared at my reflection for a full minute, and said nothing. Just tried to calm my mind, and silence the noise. I needed to go somewhere—somewhere no one knew me, where nothing and no one would judge me. I needed to go back to nature.

I hopped on my scooter—James—drove north from my place, and chose one secluded yet challenging trek leading to a waterfall. I stopped at an Indomaret somewhere, grabbed a cold coffee, and took a deep breath. The air was clean, untouched. I asked the universe for clarity. The voices in my head softened. My mind slowed. My body felt lighter. Okay, this is the answer—I need to keep going.

When I arrived, I knew I belonged there. Birds and bugs sang their songs, and dogs sniffed around and followed me. I reached the entrance of the waterfall area and met Ibu Ayu, little Made, and a boy cat named Manis. I paid my entrance fee, took pictures, and walked down the slippery path. I met quite a few spiders, even a couple of snakes. Surprisingly, I wasn’t scared. I nodded at them gently and kept walking carefully.

Then, finally, the waterfall. And just like that, the voice came back:

“You can always try to run from your problems—your duties, your responsibilities, even your own words. But they will outrun you. They will be waiting for you at the end of the tunnel, right where your past choices have led you.

Eventually, you will run out of options. You will have to face them. And then, you will have to face your own demons. Don’t run. Take as much time as you need, but don’t run. In fact, stop running, Ega. You’ve been running for far too long, and it hurts me to see you like this.”

(自分の問題—義務、責任、そして自分の言葉から逃げようと思えば、いつでも逃げられる。
だが、それらは必ずお前を追い越し、トンネルの終わりで待ち受けている。
かつて自ら選んだ道の先で、お前を待っているのだ。

いずれ、選択肢は尽きる。
お前は向き合わなければならない。
そして、自分自身の闇とも向き合う時が来る。

逃げるな。時間が必要なら、いくらでも使え。
だが、逃げるな。

いや、むしろ、もう走るのをやめろ、エガ。
お前はあまりにも長く走り続けてきた。
そんなお前を見るのは、俺にとっても辛いんだ。)

When the voice faded, I stepped under the waterfall and prayed to the Gods for clarity, for the strength to make the right decision. The water was fucking freezing. I trembled. And with every drop hitting me, I steadied my feet, grounding myself so I wouldn’t fall.

Then I saw them—my mum’s face, my two dads’ faces, my siblings, my best friends, the people I care about. And then, his face. My mind started counting broken promises, fulfilled ones, happy faces, sad faces, disappointments, despair, rage… and finally—HOPE.

"Bow down to nature, to the Gods, to the people you respect the most—to your parents, especially your mother.

You owe them for the rest of your life—not for material things, but for the opportunities they have given you, even without you asking. Honor them as you honor your life, and as you honor yourself."

(自然に、神々に、最も敬うべき人々に、
そして両親—特に母に、頭を垂れよ。

お前は一生彼らに恩がある。
それは物質的なものではなく、
頼まずとも与えられた無数の機会への恩だ。

自分の人生を敬うように、
自分自身を敬うように、
彼らを敬え。)

The wisest man whispered to me—clear as day. I opened my eyes and stepped out from under the waterfall. And I found my answers.

I want to go home—to my mum’s arms. I want to go home—to that wisest man’s arms.


Ubud, 8th March 2025