White Picket Fence Hollywood Dreams (ENG)
October 05, 2020
"You're a woman, Ga. As strong as woman gets, there will be a time where you will need a man in your life." that's my mum said almost 12 years ago after I managed finishing my divorce trial and returning into being a workaholic. A serious, no time for fun, kinda workaholic that time. I dedicated so much of my time, energy and of course tons of money to rebuild my life and myself.
Leave at Dawn, Return with The Night Winds
It did not take much time from 2011 to 2012 when I could finally reside in the first ever house bought from my own hard work; mum's words above returned and hit me quite hard. I use to leave for work from Depok region at around 5 in the morning, so I could arrive at work exactly at 7.30 or at the latest 8 o'clock. And up the transition from having my own car and returning to public transportation were quite stressful indeed for me at that time.
Then I would return home around 8 in the evening - or at the worst at 10.30 in the evening. So my life was actually revolved around home-office-home. There were times when I would hangout in the regular bar/pub with my friends but couldn't have done them too often because of the distance.
Leaked Roof and Men
Saturday night. Because I don't have a car, still couldn't find online transportation, having difficulties ordering for taxis, I finally could online watch movies in my room. Heavy rain since morning added to the laziness. Until around midnight, the roof above my bedroom leaked; flows of water into my room quickly made walking was difficult with splashes.
I left the room, checked on the second bedroom, the bathroom, the living room and the kitchen; turned out there were several leakage spots and I was all alone. I immediately unplugged all cables, sealed all electrical sockets with duct tapes, lifted the beds, and rescued several furniture into safer spaces.
In desperation, I intended to look for the leak source in my bedroom. I used the ladder and went up to the roof. I could see the tarpaulin cover for roof tiles were either blown out by the wind or almost dislodged. Perhaps there was not enough adhesive during the instalment, or by any possibility I could not bother to think, the condition into the right position and stacked the roof tiles properly and accordingly to my logic.
As I returned inside, I cried out loud while cursing: "Dammit, I bought this house with hardships and I must fix things alone in this condition. Fine, I'll admit that I need a man in my life. A handyman to fix leaked roof!"
White Picket Fence Hollywood Dreams
It's rare to find Rom-Com films without a happy ending. At best, it would be a bittersweet ending. And most of those Rom-Com I've watched would present "white picket Hollywood fence dreams" in them.
"Throughout movies, white picket fences are used to symbolize the perfect middle-class suburban life. This prevailing imagery has led to what some call the "White Picket Syndrome," in which a person blindly holds on to the idea of a perfect lifestyle despite its inability to every really exist. No life is as perfect as the movie want to portray, and dreams of a white picket fence lifestyle aren't always realistic.
Since last Monday, I have been having conversations with several closest girlfriends about this topic. We could remain good friends until now because we have similarities in our ways of thinking and looking at life. We're 30 something, single, hard working, bad-ass women and don't lower our standards or even compromise it.
Along with Mbak Lorde (my sweet calling for her because they both have very similar hair) we agreed that both of us started to feel the exhaustion of being strong and independent women who often scared men out. This isn't a self-proclaimed statement for our best man-friends (I don't wanna make a confusion using a boyfriend terms here) also told us about this.
Even our dates back in the day before COVID-19 happened, also confessed us the same thing. These men received distinct and strong intimidating signals from the way we talked, walked, looked at the other person, or even in the topics of conversations we chose.
Such are the similar things felt by Ibeth and Nuke (until today I'm actually still confused about if Nuke is dating someone else or not? This one Scorpion creature is really vague indeed) as they confessed about the fatigue in enduring the roles as strong and independent women. There were days when we felt like having that so-called white picket fence Hollywood dreams instead; for running out of ideas to survive.
But again, life is not Hollywood films or telenovela dramas or Indonesian FTW minus a gigantic eagle perched on top of the garage. Life is a struggle - aside from our genders, economic status, social status, etc.
Second Anchor in Personal Life
Several months ago, a Chilean man once asked me : "What are you looking for in terms or relationship? Since you told me that you're in a situation to find a safe harbour in total strangers." With self-certainty that beats of the Indonesia television show Mancing Mania, I replied :
"To find a second anchor in my life. My first anchor of course is my Mom and my siblings. It's getting harder to find a lifetime partner who would take me just the way I am, with all of my past mistakes. From time to time, I can find that safe harbour from strangers, like my Dad when he used to talk about our family troubles with some random taxi drivers. Makes us calm and can find different perspective for our lives."
But just now I had a revelation that perhaps I needed to correct the position; no longer the second, but as the third. Because my second anchor is already here with me all the time, through thick and thin. My best girlfriends and man-friends. They all are my second anchor.
Become A Realist-Dreamer
I will never restrict myself or my friends from dreaming or wished for the perfectly ideal life as we desired. But perhaps we need to first learn to become a realistic dreamer and fully realize the risks and consequences to handle should those dreams did not make ways into reality.
Falling down and failing is common, but to be able to rise back again is not something we could endure without sincerity and broad-mindedness. For you who are reading this post till the end, regardless your gender, sexual orientation, or whatever social construct try to define you, you're doing great already. Don't you worry about that.
You can read the original post in Bahasa Indonesia here.
Translation by @deanbenitez.
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